glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This is the high leading the old right now
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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