She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
