i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Text me some of your sweat
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