just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
