I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You made out with two different species that night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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