it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
