So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize