maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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