It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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