So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
