i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize