Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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