how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
