Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dear god my vagina.
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