He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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