Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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