It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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