I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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