I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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