i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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