No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
this will be a night to untag.
So many bounce houses so little time
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
