How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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