yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Four minutes until I can fart!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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