Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
