This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize