So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
