he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
