Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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