You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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