my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
