is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
