You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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