all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
