1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
