I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
