i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
