Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
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Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
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I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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