Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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