Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
