dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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