Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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