Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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