I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
