I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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