my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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