i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
ttyl tear gas
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
