remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything