Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
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In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.