I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...