watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
