His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's shark week go big or go home
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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