I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i've created a new STD.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
