he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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