I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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