Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
