well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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