So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
