Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
