Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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