After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
