Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
