so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
