My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize