Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
