are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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