and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
